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ARE ARRANGED MARRIAGES BETTER?
Arranged marriages, until recently, have been normative in Indian culture.
But now the number of love marriages is on the increase. Arranged marriages are an inconceivable
idea for the Westerners. Even though the Eastern culture is considered to be too conservative,
divorce rate is much less and family ties much stronger here. The modern young Christians seek a
clear mandate on this issue.
The Bible was written in the middle-eastern culture in which marriages were mostly arranged by parents.
God the creator was the parent for Adam and Eve, and it was He who found the bride for Adam
(Gen 2: 22).
It was Abraham who initiated the bridal hunt for son
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Isaac (Gen24: 1-4).
Of course there were rare instances of love marriages also, like that of Jacob
(Gen 29:18-20).
When parents arrange marriages there’s a tremendous advantage of their wisdom and experience of years
incorporated in the choice. As long as they don’t force their sons and daughters to accept their choice,
this procedure is welcome. Even in the ancient times, parents gave perfect freedom to their children to accept
or reject their proposal. In some Indian homes, even educated girls have no say in this matter. This is wrong.
Abraham’s servant was very anxious to take Rebecca to be married to Isaac. But her brother and mother said,
“We will call the young women and ask her personally” (Gen 24:56,57).
Parents must not quote Ephesians 6:1—“Children, obey your parents in the Lord”—in the matter of accepting a proposal made by them.
They can suggest… …recommend…encourage …and so on, but never force. A son or daughter at marriageable age is not
a child but an adult and he or she must become wholly responsible for the final decision of the choice.
Both the Testaments speak of this principle (1 Cor 7: 39;
Num 36:6).
Being in love is not a sin, but love at first sight is risky. Go slow. Consider the pros and cons. Consult your parents,
trusted elders and senior Christians before giving word. Commit the matter to the Lord and wait before
Him for a season. See if you have peace over the matter. If you are open and sincere, God will guide you
with confirmations and speak to you in a language, which you alone may understand. If due to some reason or other,
your parents don’t agree, but you are assured of God’s will, take time and do all that’s possible
to get them reconcile to the matter. Parents blessing is wonderful. Don’t forget that in the
Asian setting marriage brings not only two individuals but also two families together. Avoid unnecessary
conflicts.
Even though love marriages are becoming more and more common in India, a recent poll in some of the major
cities reveals that nearly 80% of the young people prefer arranged marriages. This is encouraging.
However no two young people are alike. Even within a family one child differs so much from the other.
King Saul had two daughters, Merab and Michal. For the first one it was arranged marriage and for the next
love marriage (1 Sam 18:19,20).
In conclusion Parents should sit with their grown-up sons and daughters and ask them whether they would
like to make the choice themselves or have the parents make proposals. If the children opt for the first,
there must be an understanding that the choice must be made known to the parents very early before making
commitments. If parents would choose the candidates, they should assure the children that they would not
proceed with the matter without their wholehearted consent. Whoever makes the choice, don’t
marry in haste lest you worry at leisure!
By the way, my marriage was arranged but God-ordained! It’s been a smooth sailing from day one,
as Christ is the captain of our boat…
(Suresh Manoharan)
ps…Most of the inputs for this essay, have been taken from the writings of
Brother R.Stanley an eminent Christian author and founder of Blessing Youth Mission, Vellore.
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The list of essays to follow
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Can Christians eat what is offered to idols?
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Is Childlessness a curse?
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The ways of protest
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Should women cover their heads while praying?
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Casteism in Christians
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